Storytelling is a part of our existence that has been around since prehistoric times. We all love stories, whether it is fairy tales, science fiction or the latest gossip. They captivate us, make us laugh, cry, or chew off our fingernails with excitement. Our brain loves stories (see deep-dive #1)! It stores them like a library full of instruction manuals, from which it draws depending on the situation and need. With their help, we master life, feel safe, understand complex ideas, emotions, and the world. As individuals, we tell others and ourselves "our story", thereby shaping our identity and our self-image. And these are precisely the stories that have it all: Clear the stage for our beliefs!
Beliefs are constructions of our subjective reality that are deeply anchored in our subconscious. The trick is in the word: a belief is a sentence that we believe. This does not necessarily mean that this sentence is true. Our beliefs influence how we see ourselves, others, and the world. They are usually shaped in the formative years of our childhood, imparted by the most important people in our lives (primarily our parents and close family members), but also through later experiences, relationships, and interactions with other people. We unconsciously "carry" these beliefs with us as a mental program for years into adulthood. This is why we often hear the word "belief system" in connection with the term "inner child". However, it is not the people in our lives or the event alone that gives beliefs the breeding ground on which they grow and flourish. Without the magical main ingredient of our personal perception and evaluation of the situation, our beliefs would not have the power they have.
What is the catch?
Like everything in life, our beliefs also have their sunny and dark sides:
Positive beliefs strengthen us and make us feel that we are right and welcome in this world just as we are. E.g., "I work really hard and will go far in my job." "People are good and wonderful friendships can develop anywhere and at any time." "I can trust life; good will always prevail."
Negative beliefs arise in situations where we feel wrong and rejected. E.g., "I'm underqualified for this job, I shouldn't apply for it because I don't deserve it." "All people are selfish and only care about themselves." "The world is an unsafe place; I shouldn't leave my comfort zone." Negative beliefs weaken us. To cope with the feelings associated with them, or preferably not to have to feel them at all, we develop self-protection strategies (e.g., withdrawal, striving for harmony, striving for perfection, attacking, or being attacked, striving for power and control). The shadow side of our beliefs has great power over our feelings and how we see and perceive ourselves, others, and the world:
The belief "I'm not enough!", for example, makes us feel like impostors, not because we really cannot do something, but because we do not trust ourselves to do it and have a "false" image of ourselves (impostor syndrome).
"What I achieve is not enough!" Here we set ourselves unrealistically ambitious standards and make our self-worth dependent on whether we achieve them or not. If what we fear happens, we are devastated (perfectionism).
A quite popular belief is "I will never have enough money/love/opportunities/luck/etc.!" Under the sway of this belief, we compare ourselves to others and feel inadequate. Consequently, we are constantly striving for something that we hope will make us happy but are not living in the present moment. (lack/deficit).
What to do?
Making all our negative beliefs disappear overnight will not work. It is the small, achievable steps ("tiny habits") that are sustainable and effective. The first and most major step is to look our obstructive beliefs firmly in the face, put them to the test and evaluate what is true about them and what is not. To get to the bottom of them, we must open the door to our past - to the stories we have told ourselves and the things that have happened to us. Only then can we begin the second step of exchanging them for new beliefs that are more beneficial to us and our growth in the here and now. The ABCDE model, for example, shows what this can look like:
A = Activating event of the memory: Identify what triggered the belief (e.g., a conversation with someone).
B = Belief: Determine the negative belief that emerged from the event (e.g., "I am incapable.")
C = Consequences: Think about what will happen if you continue to believe this belief (e.g., "I won't even take the exam because it's not worth trying").
D = Disputation: Question the limiting belief with a rational approach (e.g., "I will invest more time in preparation and take extra lessons").
E = Effects: Transform the limiting belief into a rational belief that leads to healthier outcomes (e.g., "I have the ideal learning approach for me, and I am doing everything I can.")
The shell of the nut:
Beliefs are stories that we tell ourselves, beautiful and not so beautiful. They are often a remnant of our imprints and experiences from our childhood. At some point, they were helpful, even vital under the conditions at the time. Today, years and many experiences later, the same beliefs can be a hindrance under changed conditions. They point out to us that the circumstances and life back then have changed and that we are no longer the same. At the latest then it is time to put the stories that we tell ourselves repeatedly and that do not help us move forward to the test - and to write new ones.
Letting go of cherished beliefs is no walk in the park. Especially in challenging times, it is tempting to go back to what we know and what we feel is safe (see deep-dive #2). We can start by consciously entering the library of our instruction manuals, dusting them off, rearranging them and considering which new narratives are good for us. Being able to decide this anew every day is a real gift:
How coaching can support:
With the help of coaching, we can get to the bottom of our "why" and look at the system of our obstructive beliefs from the outside and from a different perspective. A coach can support us in identifying our beliefs. Through targeted, lovingly disturbing questions and reflection techniques, our unconscious beliefs can be made visible. Coaching encourages us to critically question our beliefs. Are they true? Where do they come from? What evidence is there for or against them? Coaches also support us in reinterpreting limiting beliefs. This can help us to gain a new perspective and transform obstructive beliefs into beneficial ones.
Through coaching, we can recognize and use our inner resources and strengths to overcome old beliefs and develop new, positive convictions. Concrete goals and action plans help to anchor new beliefs in everyday life and implement the desired changes.
My books of the month:
The Child in You: The Breakthrough Method of Bringing out your Authentic Self (Stefanie Stahl, 2020).
Think this, not that: 12 Mindshift's to Breakthrough Limiting Beliefs and Become who you Were Born to be (Dr. Josh Axe, 2025)
The Unlimited Self: Destroy Limiting Beliefs, Uncover Inner Greatness, and Live the Good Life (Jonathan Heston, 2015)
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